Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Things to do with your oldest living relatives right away....


Grief is a powerful emotion, which I’m reminded of daily since my sweet mother-in-law passed away two weeks ago. I have brought all of her photos home to scan them and preserve them so that everyone in the family can have them all. It was just in last month’s newsletter that I wrote: “Our photos become more precious to us with each passing day - reminding us not only of when we were younger, but of good times with the people we love, some of whom may not be with us any more.”

Each day we struggle to deal with our loss and I have found that another emotion, GRATITUDE is a great combatant of grief. As I go through Jean’s photos, I am reminded of the good times we had together and am so grateful for so many things.

Here are a few: I worked with Jean on her family history and helped her locate many cousins she never knew; I helped her put together a scrapbook (pre-HM) of her oldest pictures and labeled each one with her dictated caption; I asked her to write down every place she’d ever lived, along with memories of those places and the people she knew; I made a friendship quilt for her 70th birthday and sent her photos and cards to help her feel less far away from her grandchildren. Those things took time, but time that was well-spent.

Here are some things I urge you to do with your oldest living relatives (especially your parents, if you're lucky enough to still have them here on earth):

1. Pull out the photo albums and find the oldest photos. Ideally, scan those photos at 300 dpi and preserve them on several CDs (put one in your safe deposit box and distribute them to your siblings). Print those photos (or make good quality COLOR - even if they're black and white photos - copies of them) and ask these questions: Names of everyone in the photo; place photo was taken; approximate date of the photo/event. Pay attention to details like jewelry and clothing worn (family heirloom?); cars (who owned them); houses (who lived in them and what was the address). You'll be surprised what people will remember and tell you IF ASKED. Photos are a great way to prompt your oldest living relatives to tell you really interesting things about their lives before you knew them and about the people you never knew or are already gone.

2. Ask your parents to write down every place they've lived - just list them. Ask them to try to include an address if they can recall it and if they have any particular memories about the place, to jot those down as well. This should not take too much time (maybe 20 minutes?), but will be treasured by many!!!

3. Ask your parents to do the same thing as #2 with every school they attended. Ask them to jot down any particular memories, names of teachers and friends, favorite subjects, as well as worst and best experiences.

4. Ask your parents to do the same thing as #2 and 3 with every job they had. Details might include names of bosses and co-workers, description of tasks, best and worst experiences and lessons learned.

That's a good enough start for now and my best advice of all... DON'T WAIT. I had so much more I wanted to do with and for Jean. I thought I had a lot more time.